Adrian Veidt, the Insiduous Body Switcher!
by Indy is awesome
Summary: What happens when Adrian Veidt switches the bodies of Edward Blake and Rorschach? Rated M for nudity, profanity, violence, homosexual themes, explicit content, adult outfits, and injection used to sedate someone.
1. Veidt, you naughty man!

**Adrian Veidt, the insiduous body-switcher!**

October 12, 1985

Eddie Blake came into his apartment building in early evening. He sat down in his armchair, lit his cigar, and began reading The New York Times. Just then, the doorbell rang.

It was Adrian Veidt. And he was completely naked.

"The hell..." Eddie began to ask, but was interrupted when Adrian punched him swiftly in the jaw. Eddie fell to the floor, unconscious.

_One down, one to go_, wrote Adrian in his journal. _Now, Rorschach is going to arrive at any minute._

Meanwhile, outside Eddie Blake's apartment...

_Hurm. Filthy bastards lying in rein_, thought Rorschach. _Filthy streets. Filthy people. Filth, filth, filth._

Just then, his reverie was interrupted when he heard an awful scream that could've come from no one other than...

_The Comedian_, thought Rorschach, snapping his fingers in shock. _And now, he falls. Must help him._

Rorschach used his grappling hook to scale the walls of the apartment building where the Comedian lived. He positioned himself discreetly on the fire escape outside the Comedian's window. He tried breaking the window, but it was made out of unbreakable plastic. Someone kindly opened the window.

It was Adrian Veidt.

"Adrian Veidt..." growled Rorschach. Ever since Veidt "sold himself" when he revealed his identity, Rorschach hated him. However, something caught Rorschach's ever-observant eye.

He was shirtless.

"Definitely homosexual. No need to investigate further," said Rorschach distastefully. "Checking up on Comedian?"

Veidt giggled like a little schoolgirl. Rorschach's eyes narrowed. The features on his face shifted to signify irritation.

"You could say that," said Veidt. "Actually, I'm checking up on you, too."

_On me, too..._ thought Rorschach. _On me, too... Good God!_

Rorschach jumped inside and punched Adrian in his Adam's apple.

"Jesus!" spat Veidt. Blood oozed from his throat. Rorschach gripped Adrian from his ear.

"You're butt naked," accused Rorschach.

It was true.

"What the fuck's your problem, you asshole? Can't a guy get a word in edgewise?" snarled Veidt. "And, anyway, you're grabbing on my ear! It hurts like hell!"

"Sorry," said Rorschach sarcastically. "Now, Veidt, listen carefully." He shouted in Veidt's ear, "_Where... is... Comedian?_"

The mighty businessman and ex-vigilante whimpered.

"He's downstairs in the basement. I'll even let him go. Send me to jail! Just please don't hurt me!" begged Veidt.

_Easy_, thought Rorschach, _Too easy._ Must be a trap.

It was a trap. When Rorschach wasn't looking, Veidt stabbed him in the butt crack.

"Huuuurrrrmmmm!" shouted Rorschach, who promptly let go of Veidt. "Hurm! _Hurm!_ Hurrrm!"

In Rorschach's moment of weakness, Veidt gave him a sedative that sent him fast asleep.

"You should be in bed, anyway, hot stuff," said Veidt. "I'll see to you in the morning."

And then, Rorschach passed out.

The next morning...

Rorschach was tied to ropes to a metal platform. He was positioned upright, and he was completely naked. The Comedian had suffered a similar fate.

"You, too, buddy?" asked Eddie.

"Not buddy. Rorschach," said Rorschach in an inflection which indicated he sympathized with him.

"I'm glad you're feeling like yourself, buddy," said Eddie.

Veidt came into his laboratory wearing nothing but a miniskirt, thigh-length stockings, and fuzzy bunny slippers.

"Veidt," reproved Eddie, "You wear those things in private, not with us. You know us better than that."

_Good old Comedian_, thought Rorschach.

"Do you know what I'm going to do to you?" asked Veidt.

"No," said Eddie matter-of-factly.

"No," said Rorschach astutely.

"Well, now, we're going to find out, shall we?" asked Veidt.

Veidt pulled a lever, and both of them immediately went under.

At around noon...

"Hurm," said Rorschach.

"Oh, fuck," said Eddie, "I feel like shit. How do you feel- Aaaaaa! I'm in your body!"

"Hurrrrm! Correct!" said a now alarmed Rorschach.

It was true. Anyone would've noticed it on their faces. Walter Kovacs's face looked shocked, but he looked completely out of character. He looked like he had laughed a lot in his lifetime. Edward Blake's face looked shocked, but he also looked completely out of character. His face showed forty years of grim suffering.

"What am I going to do?" asked Eddie frantically. Rorschach was alarmed that the Comedian was so violently expressive and emotional in his body.

"Easy," said Rorschach. "Easy. Look like an idiot. Rorschach doesn't look like an idiot."

"Well, look at my body!" shouted Eddie. "I look like I haven't laughed in forty years!"

"Rarely laughed," admitted Rorschach.

"Wait a second... we're free," said Eddie. He jumped off the platform with great agility. "He let us go."

"Trap," said Rorschach.

"I bet it is," agreed Eddie. "Well, I'm on vacation for the next month, so that's no biggie."

"Oh, thank God," said Rorschach. "Hate work. Anything better than work. Prefer being bum."

"I wish I was like you, buddy," said Eddie. "You always know exactly what to do with yourself and your life. Me, I don't have a clue."

"And now, you are," said Rorschach grimly. "Where's Veidt?"

"Let's search the place," said Eddie.

They got dressed, and set out and searched Eddie's apartment. Veidt had vanished. He left no clues or anything else behind. They slunk on the upholstery, looking pretty defeated. Eddie called the police, and was informed that they would arrest Veidt shortly... when they could find him.

"Feel terrible," said Rorschach.

"You'll need a cigar, buddy," said Eddie.

"No!" shouted Rorschach.

"It's not the end of the world," said Eddie.

"Have lived through worse pain," said Rorschach firmly. "Will survive."

"You're a brave man," said Eddie. "My doctor was doing everything he could to get me to quit, and nothing worked."

Rorschach muttered something indiscernable to himself. It didn't sound very pleasant.

"Well, look at it this way," said Eddie, "By the time you're back in your own body, you'll have cheered up. Right?"

"Don't know," said Rorschach. "Don't understand brain. _Don't_ understand _others'_ brains. Funny organ."

"Yeah, you're right. If you had my logic in mind, I'd be as depressed as you if- _when_ we come back to each others' bodies," said Eddie.

"Hope not. Lived through rough times. Don't want disease to spread," said Rorschach, heaving a sigh.

"You hate feeling depressed, don't you?" asked Eddie.

"Yes," said Rorschach, surprised that he was being open. "Hate depression. Kills."

"I feel for you," said Eddie.

It was so wrong, so utterly, utterly disturbing, for Rorschach to view _his own face_ with warmth, trust, compassion, sympathy. All those things that he had craved in childhood but never recieved, thereby seeking vengeance on humanity. He wondered now if it was really worth it. He decided to make up his mind. It was now or never.

"Let's hunt for Veidt," said Rorschach astutely.

"Well, I need fuel," said Eddie. "Goddamn, buddy, don't you eat?"

"Rarely," said Rorschach honestly. "Eat what I can. Raid Dan's house."

"Damn," said Eddie. "Well, you can stay here. I have money."

"Not hungry," said Rorschach.

"You're in my body," said Eddie. "I don't want to go to the hospital for lack of blood sugar, the way I'm feeling now. Let's go to a restaurant."

"Hurm," said Rorschach. "Don't usually go there. Try to look inconspicuous."

"You look fine," said Eddie. "Now, let's go to my favorite place. I'm sure that _I'll_ blend in, let alone you."

"Fine," said Rorschach in approval.

The two comrades-in-arms left Eddie's place to go to his favorite bar.

**So, what do you think will happen next? If you want to share your opinion, review!**


	2. I'm a father?

**Adrian Veidt, The Insiduous Body-Switcher!**

**Chapter 2: I'm a father?**

**October 13, 1985**

"Now, just try and stay cool," said Eddie.

"Hurm," replied Rorschach.

"Also, don't say 'Hurm'. That's my job," said Eddie.

"Habit," said Rorschach.

"All right, just don't say anything unless you need to, okay, buddy? Okay," said Eddie. "I'll do the talking."

They had gone up to a dingy-looking bar in a grungy, run-down neighborhood.

"Some job," said Rorschach sarcastically.

"Minimum wage," replied Eddie.

When both of them had entered the establishment, a woman in her mid-twenties rushed out and embraced Rorschach with great gusto.

"Eddie!" she said warmly. "How've you _been?_ You look horrible!"

Rorschach was thinking, _Must not break fingers... must not break fingers... act like Comedian..._

"Been fine," replied Rorschach with a nod.

_Lucky man_, thought Eddie. He felt a pang of jealousy, but what else could he do? Explain they switched bodies?

"I'm his buddy," said Eddie. Rorschach's face was the happiest it had been in forty years.

"Pee-yoo, you stink," said Eddie's girlfriend.

_Must not break fingers... must not break fingers..._ thought poor Rorschach, who might have exploded into a fit of rage if Eddie's girlfriend didn't say the next thing.

"Guess what, Eddie! I'm pregnant!"

There are no words to describe how shocked, alarmed, and disquieted Rorschach felt at that time. He was stunned.

_And now, we_ need _to have our bodies back_, thought Eddie.

"Hurm," said Rorschach, without thinking. "Should be... nice," he lied.

"'Hurm'?" asked Eddie's girlfriend, giggling. "Where'd you get that from? And, anyway, are you _okay?_ You're not acting like yourself."

"He's just stunned," said Eddie. "He's a proud father."

Rorschach wasn't sure who to direct his anger at. He hated women, and he thought the Comedian shouldn't have knocked her up, but they had been blissfully unaware about the possibility of body-switching. Eddie and she had been prepared for this for a long time. Rorschach was not. So, he decided to direct his anger at Veidt. He let the hate run through him until he accidentally knocked over a table.

"Jesus Christ!" shouted Eddie's girlfriend. "What's your problem? This baby was planned! Change your mind at the last minute?"

"He'll be okay," said Eddie. "He's just... a little shaken up."

"Hurm," said Rorschach angrily. "Not angry at either of you. Angry at someone else."

"Oh," said Eddie's girlfriend, understanding. "I see. Well, take it easy, okay? I have to go to work. Bye!"

She left.

"Jesus Christ, man, do you want me to get thrown out of this place?" demanded Eddie. "You're pretty damn lucky the manager's my friend!"

"Why?" asked Rorschach, unapologetic.

"Why'd I knock her up? Because I love her. I love her to the bottom of my heart. I'm sorry if you don't understand, but it's true," said Eddie.

"Hurm," said Rorschach, his head in his hands. Was he... crying? Yes, yes, he was.

"We'll catch Veidt. Don't worry," said Eddie.

Suddenly, he heard the sound of a trigger being pulled.

"Caught," said Rorschach resignedly.

"Yeah, buddy. Looks like we are," said Eddie.

A gunman was already putting them in handcuffs, and threw them into the back of a van.

**Review, please, and share your thoughts!**


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